From Chef to Chef Boyardee to Chef Menopause

A classic. That’s all I can say. It’s a classic. Why, oh why, must it ALWAYS be MY kid??? So, last night BB and the rest of the 5th grade gathered together with their families at the school for "Revolution Night."  They have been studying the Revolutionary War period in Social Studies.  They were each to pick a topic and write a report about it and then do a special project to go along with it to present at "Revolution Night."  BB did his report on John Adams and wrote a puppet show to perform last night.  At the last minute he decided to enlist the "help" of some friends to read various parts for the puppet show.  Ok, so the conversation is taking place between John Adams (played by a friend in his class) and Thomas Jefferson (played by his "best" (girl) friend in his class).  John Adams is trying to convince Jefferson why he should be the one to write the Declaration of Independence.  As we know from history, he says, "I’ll give you three reasons!  First of all, you are a Virginian and a Virginian should be at the head of this business."  Well, you can imagine the laughter that erupted in the audience when the "nervous" friend said, "I’ll give you three reasons!  First of all, you are a VIRGIN. . . . ."  Even the principal had tears rolling down his cheek from laughter (I think, maybe it was real tears).  BB grabs the microphone and says anxiously, "He meant VIRGINIAN!!  It’s V-I-R-G-I-N-I-A-N!!!"  Laughter erupts again.  For a good three minutes no one could stop laughing.  Poor "nervous" friend turned shades of red I’ve never seen on a human being before.  Red even for a pre-teen boy who just said the word "Virgin" during a school program.  BB’s "best (girl) friend" was almost just as embarassed.  I was surprised they didn’t both bolt from the stage.  The principal asked me after the program, "What are you teaching those kids?"  I said, "You tell me, you’re the one who just had the "development" talk with them a few weeks ago!"  LOL. 

"Nervous" friend made it to school today.  He turned red when he saw me in the hallway, but he laughed and waved.  "Best" (girl) friend stayed home "sick" today.  Hmmmm……..

BB told me when he got home today that the 5th grade teachers all threatened a detention today to anyone who was caught talking about what happened last night. Lighten up Francis.

Classic I tell ya.  Classic.

Ok, so we’re on Spring Break vacation.  We are visiting my uncle in Tacoma, WA.  He took us to a lovely dinner last night at a restaurant called The Samurai where one of his friends is a cook.  It’s a Japanese restaurant where they prepare your dinner at your table.  His granddaughter, we’ll call her N.J., joined us too.  Well, if you’ve ever had Japanese food prepared on a grill, you know that it tends to make you a little "gassy" shall we say?  So, it was a long drive home (about one hour) and she couldn’t take it anymore.  All of a sudden we hear a large explosion coming from the back of the van.  Everyone giggled.  She announces, "I’m sorry, it’s my stomach!  I have heartburn!"  I laughed and said, "Honey, that doesn’t sound like "heartburn to me!"  And BB pipes up with, "Sounds more like FARTburn to me!"  Even my uncle ended up laughing out loud at that one.  Sometimes, it’s just funny!  Out of the bowels mouths of babes….lol.

LB comes to me last night and says, "Mom. . .are you really sure that I’m half Turkish?" 

I answered, "Yes, dear, I’m certain you’re half Turkish.  Your dad was born in Turkey.  He is Turkish.  That makes you half Turkish."

"Hmmm." (he sighs)

I said, "Why don’t you think you’re half Turkish honey?  Because you don’t understand the language when your dad tries to teach you?"

"No, that’s not it Mom."  (He says with a puzzled look on his face.)

"Well, then, what is it honey?"

"Well, I don’t really think I’m half Turkish because I never really have the urge to blow things up and stuff like that."

SALT LAKE CITY 27 January 2008 President Gordon B. Hinckley, who led The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints through twelve years of global expansion, has died at the age of 97.

President Hinckley was the 15th president in the 177-year history of the Church and had served as its president since 12 March 1995.

The Church president died at his apartment in downtown Salt Lake City at 7:00 p.m. Sunday night from causes incident to age. Members of his family were at his bedside. A successor is not expected to be formally chosen by the Church’s Quorum of the Twelve Apostles until after President Hinckley’s funeral within the next few days.

Goodye President Hinckley. . .we will miss you.  You were truly loved.

So, after my wonderful trip to the dentist yesterday morning, I called up Sweet Girl and invited her to lunch and shopping since she didn’t have school yesterday.  I get there to pick her up and Little Man very cutely "pouts" when I told her to get her coat on.  I asked Little Man what was wrong and Kiddo pipes up and informs me that he starting pouting after I called, that he wanted to go too.  So, I told him to get his shoes and coat on too.  No worries.  Sweet Girl said she didn’t mind him tagging along on our girl’s day out.  So, I get them both loaded up in the car and asked where she wanted to go to lunch.   "Well, if you’re asking me my favorite restaurant, I would have to say, duh, McDonald’s!"  I said are you sure you want to go there?  It is Tuesday which means your Daddy will take you there tonight for 1/2 price Happy Meals.  She says, "Yes, I know!  That’s why I picked McDonald’s - so I can go there twice in one day!  It doesn’t get better than that Aunt Tammi!"  Ok.  McDonald’s (sigh) it is then.  So, I’m leaving their subdivision and I say to myself (but outloud) now, where is the closest McDonald’s from here, over on 12th or the Boulevard.  "Um, Tammi, my daddy always just takes me to the one on Garrity.  It’s way closer.  You know (insert pointing here) over that way."  Ok.  That sounds good.  "You know where Garrity is Tammi?  You know, first you need to turn right at this stop sign and head North.  Then you will turn West.  Got it?"   - - - Do I need to remind anyone she is FIVE YEARS OLD??!!! 

Then, as we’re sitting having lunch, I’m making small talk with her. . . How is school going.  Are you still enjoying first grade, etc. etc. etc.  Then, kind of sarcastically, I turn to Little Man and say, "And how about you, Little Man. . . how are you doing?  What do you do all day now that you have the house and Mommy to yourself while all the other kids are at school?"  He says, "Oh, you know, I play and stuff.  I have fun."  Then in the next breath he says to me, "And, what about you Aunt Tammi?  What do you do all day while your kids are in school?"  - - - Do I need to remind anyone he just turned THREE YEARS OLD???!!

After lunch we went across the street to JC Penney’s to go shopping.  I asked her when I picked her up what she would like to go shopping for today and her response was anything but that of a typical five year old.  "Well, I could use a few more long sleeve shirts - - that AREN’T turtlenecks.  I hate those!"  (Little Man said the same thing, it was so cute!)  So, we headed to the little girl’s department.  They were having a killer sale, clearance items marked down an additional 75-90% off the clearance price.  She tried on a really cute velour hoodie.  I mentioned that if we got her that, then she wouldn’t just have to wear a long sleeved shirt to keep warm, she could wear her short sleeved shirts now too and just wear the hoodie over it.  "What a fantastic idea Aunt Tammi!  This would go with so many of my outfits!"  Then I pointed out to her another one that was cute and told her to try it on too if she wanted to.  "Well, I really like this one though," she said.   I said that if she liked it she could have both since they were on sale.  She squealed with delight and said, "Well, yeah, you just can’t go wrong at these prices.  This is quite a sale!"  When Little Man picked out an outfit off the rack and held it up to me and said, "This one is cute too!"  Sweet Girl piped up and said, "Don’t pay any attention to him Aunt Tammi, he doesn’t like that one, he just wants to spend all your money!"

 A sales clerk overheard her and couldn’t resist coming over.  "How old is she?"  "Five."  "Oh. . . .my." 

I’d sure like to know what is in that water at your house sis! 

Snapdragons have always been one of my favorite flowers.  Right up there with lilacs they are.  And now I find I can relate to them even more:

"I’ve entered the snapdragon part of my life. . . .Part of me has snapped. . . .And the rest of me is draggin’!"

Signs I’ve seen recently that I can relate to as well:

"I don’t skinny dip, I chunky dunk!"

"Dear IRS:  I would like to cancel my subscription.  Please remove my name from your mailing list."

"I only have a kitchen because it came with the house."  (Sadly, I DO have that sign hanging in my kitchen already!)

"I don’t have hot flashes.  I have short, private vacations in the Tropics."

And my personal favorite. . . .

"I’m not 40 something. . .I’m $39.95 plus shipping & handling."

Just a few of the things I am thankful for today:

1.  I am thankful that it is three days before Christmas and I am done shopping and wrapping! 

2.  I am thankful that we managed to get done all the things we wanted to accomplish this Christmas season.  Almost.

3.  I am thankful that I get to spend today with my children doing whatever they want to do (with the exception of getting haircuts) and it is the last Saturday before Christmas.  I will not be locked in my room wrapping presents, or wildly running around trying to pick up last minute gifts.  We will decorate sugar cookies today and go see Alvin and the Chipmunks.  (We didn’t make it last night) And drive around tonight with hot chocolate in the car and look at all the beautifully decorated homes in the area.

4.  I am thankful that I have two beautiful, healthy, intelligent, and thoughtful children.

5.  I am thankful that my children are still innocent and naive.  My youngest, LB, last night in the store was lamenting the fact that he hadn’t gotten anything for me for Christmas yet.  I said, "Wow, I wouldn’t mind having one of those…"  (talking about the waffle irons we were standing in front of at that time that just happened to be on sale for $12.99) "Just think, I could make you homemade waffles for breakfast!"  LB said, "You would really like that mom?"  "Yeah, I said, I think it would be great."  LB says, "Mom can I borrow $15 bucks?  And, will you go stand over there and not look?"  So I gave him the money and walked a few paces and turned around.  He then put his gift in the cart, covered it with his coat, checked out in line right behind me, hid his present in the backseat of the car, made me hide while he brought it in when we got home, wrapped it up, and put it under the tree.  And the best part is that he thinks I have no idea what he got me!  I love it.  Oh to be that young and innocent again!

6.  I am thankful that the shoplifter running from the store that bumped into my son last night did not pull out a weapon when he was tackled right in front of us.

7.  I am thankful that I have a well-stocked fridge and pantry, warmth coming from the vents, and water coming from the faucets, and presents for my children and others underneath my tree, all in my lovely home this Christmas.

8.  I am thankful that I received an e-mail this morning from my friend who is serving our country in the military overseas in a war zone because that means that as of this morning he is still alive and well. 

9.  I am thankful that I do not have to rip my children from their home three days before Christmas, with them not having any idea where we are moving to, having to leave their friends with no way to keep in touch, having to leave a school where they have grown up with all their friends, all because I cannot escape any other way from the man who is beating me on a regular basis and threatening my children.  Yesterday at BB’s class Christmas party, one of his friends came up and gave me a big hug and said goodbye.  He proceeded to tell me that after school he and his mom and brothers were moving when they got home and he did not know where, but he knew he would not be back to this school.  He had tears in his eyes as he clung to me and I asked him if everything was ok.  He broke into tears and answered a quiet, "Not really."  I took him out into the hallway where he proceeded to tell me the circumstances of their departure.  It is pretty hard to look a 10 year old boy in the eyes and see fear of both the known and unknown, anxiety, sadness, and attempted bravery.  I gave him a big hug, told him I understood (having been there myself), gave him our phone number so he could stay in touch with BB and in case they needed anything, and slipped him some money to keep in his pocket to take care of his mom in an emergency.  I do not know if he will ever need to use it, or if it will get spent on Pokemon cards and candy, but the look in his eye and the hug that he gave me told me that he had just become the man in his family. 

10.  I am thankful for my savior, Jesus Christ, who is the reason for all of this.

For all these things today I am very thankful.

December 1 - Today we enjoyed the kick off of Christmas by watching Caldwell’s Nite Lite Parade.

December 2 - Today we enjoyed spending family time together and made gingerbread houses.

December 3 - Today we made Christmas fudge, dipped pretzels and attended an Executive Board PTO meeting.

December 4 - Today I enjoyed a visit to the dentist and another PTO meeting.

December 5 - Today we played hookie from school and put up our Christmas decorations and trimmed our tree.  We also attended my nephew’s first wrestling match and the boys got to do their "brother" shopping for Christmas.

December 6 - Today we played hookie from school again and went Christmas shopping and finished decorating.

December 7 - Today we started a new tradition of "Family Movie Night."  We popped popcorn, invited some friends over, and watched Christmas classics such as "How the Grinch Stole Christmas," "A Year Without a Santa Claus," and "Frosty’s Winter Wonderland."

December 8 - Today the boys played with a cousin while Mom and I went shopping.  It was fun to get out just the two of us.

December 9 - Today we did some more Christmas shopping and made more Christmas candies.

December 10 - Today we went to Grandma’s house for the Annual Cookie Day at Grandma’s.  All the grandchildren get together and make Christmas Bon-Bon cookies.  The kids all helped decorate Grandma’s tree too.

December 11 - Today I enjoyed another visit to the dentist . 

December 12 - Today I took Tarik to his first orthodondist appointment.  We met up with my sister and her DH and Little Man at Squeezer’s for lunch.  Then I attended BB’s D.A.R.E. graduation at school.  We went out to eat at Olive Garden for a celebratory dinner and did a little Christmas shopping.

December 13 - Today a friend and I attended the Nutcracker performed by Ballet Idaho at Jewett Auditorium.  It was wonderful!  It was the first time I’ve seen the performance all the way through!

December 14 - Today I spent 13 hours at the school setting up for Santa’s Workshop.  It is an event put on by the PTO where every child in the school can purchase two presents (most of which has been donated) for 25 cents each.  We then wrap the presents and send them home with the kids.  For some of these kids, it’s the only Christmas shopping they get to do.  It is my favorite PTO event of the year!  (Even though it is the most work!)  We were supposed to have a 2nd Family Movie Night tonight and watch "Polar Express" but we didn’t get home till 9:30 p.m. and I was pooped!

December 15 - Today the boys went with my brother and his wife to the Boise Towne Square to go Christmas shopping which freed me up to run Christmas errands kid-free  . 

December 16 - Today we played Secret Santa to a family we decided to adopt this Christmas.  The boys learned how great it feels to give to others in need without getting caught.

December 17 - Today I spent the day at school finishing up getting Santa’s Workshop ready.  I also met with the principal at Wal-Mart at 8 a.m. this morning to pick up a $1,000 grant check they gave to our PTO.  YEAH!  Tonight we attended Kiddo’s Christmas choir concert at his school.  It was beautiful!

December 18 - Today was the start of Santa’s Workshop so I was at the school from 8:30 till about 5:30.  Then we ran to the dollar store and bought $100 worth of men’s items (we always run low on men’s items because hardly any get donated) and then went to Kiddo’s 16th birthday party at my sister’s house.

December 19 - Today was also Santa’s Workshop.  We left the school about 5 p.m., then went to dinner with the PTO president and her kids at Applebee’s and then went to the dollar store and picked up another $100 worth of men’s items.  Then we went to Target and went Christmas shopping.  It was a full day!

Decemer 20 - Today was the last day of Santa’s Workshop!  Yeah!    We processed our last class by 3:30 and then stayed till about 5:30 packing it up and putting it all away for next year.  It’s amazing that it takes two full days to set it all up and it comes down in less than 2 hours!  Then I came home and rested for a few hours!  We went out to dinner (too tired to cook!) and picked up some last minute gift cards for PTO.

December 21 - I went in and helped with popcorn at the school this morning.  Then left, went to the bank with about $300 worth of quarters to cash in from Santa’s Workshop, went back to the school for class parties, and we just got home.  Ok, so now Christmas for us can start.  We are done with school projects, homework, PTO projects, class parties, teacher gifts, etc., etc., etc.  I am now realizing that I haven’t gotten three packages off in the mail yet that should have been mailed over a week ago.  But other than that, I think we’re doing good.  Presents are all wrapped, shopping is all done.  The only thing we have left to do on my list is make sugar cookies and decorate them, deliver our goodie trays and go caroling, and make our Christmas ornaments (the cinnamon dough has been in the fridge for over a week!)  Good thing there’s still two days left before Christmas Eve!!!  LOL.  I promised the boys I would take them to go see Alvin and the Chipmunks tonight with their friends.  Tomorrow we are going to make cookies and decorate them, put together our goodie trays and go caroling and deliver them.  That leaves Sunday to get my Christmas Eve Party baking done and hopefully get the house cleaned up and ready for Christmas!

I thought there were only supposed to be 12 days of Christmas!!!!!!!!  Merry Christmas every one!

Ok, so those of you who know LB well, know that he is an extremely picky eater, has a "menu" of no more than 10 items he will regularly eat.  Won’t even try something new.

Tonight at dinner, BB was trying to get him to try his mashed potatoes, for the 400th time.

BB:  LB, just try it!

LB:  NO!

BB:  I swear, LB, you would starve to death in the desert!

LB:  BB, I highly doubt they SERVE mashed potatoes in the desert!

Me: